not enough words

i hate to admit it, but

i miss my best friend

i miss someone i can tell absolutely anything to

i miss someone who will be there for me no matter what

i miss someone who is there with me through thick and thin

i miss someone who i can be myself with - completely and authentically

i miss someone who i can be completely honest with

without worrying about how it will affect our relationship

without worrying about how it will impact your life

without worrying

i miss having a friend who i can trust with my life

literally

i miss my best friend

i hate that i thought you were my best friend

i hate that you took that for granted

i hate that i still feel all these things and you've moved on

i hate that i'm still so affected by this and you don't even know

i hate that you never seemed to care that we even ended

i hate that i can't decide if you should know the truth about how i feel

i hate this

i'm still so mad

i'm still so hurt

and you don't even know

and you most certainly don't care

i hate that i'm still hurting

i hate that i still care

why is this taking so long?

i hate that i feel like i wasted my life thinking it was going to be spent with you

i hate feeling so discarded

i hate that you're still influencing my life

i hate that you still seem to have control on my life

and i don't know how to get it back

i hate that no matter how much i write

no matter how many words i put down

i still can't seem to get over what happened

i still can't seem to move on

i still can't heal

will there ever be enough words?