Thursday, February 28, 2008


i will no longer be paralyzed by my experience

i will be stronger because of it

i will learn from it

it will no longer paralyze me

to prevent me from doing what i really want to do

to prevent me from living life

to prevent me from experiencing the good

i refuse to be paralyzed

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Live Interview

I have a live interview on Friday morning with a local radio talk show to advertise "the hunger experience" which has been planned, organized and will be implemented by LTS students... Nothing too major, just calling in to the radio and will be talking with them for a few minutes by phone... I'm supposed to call the station at 8:40am (EST) on Friday morning, the 29th. If you live in the Lexington area, you can tune into 590AM, or if you do not live in Lexington you can log onto and click on the "Listen Live" button in order to listen over the internet!


it is sad that the only reason i realize how long my day has truly been, and that i'm working on a 17 hour day, is because i went to change my facebook status...

i went to change my facebook status right before i left the house this morning... and then again a few minutes ago before i went to bed... and it reminded me that i had originally changed my facebook status 17 hours ago...


Saturday, February 23, 2008


you are a large scar in my life

and i cannot make you go away

no matter what i do

i'm constantly reminded of that scar

i try to ignore it

i try to cover it up

i try to make it go away

i try to "deal" with it

i try to ignore it

but its always there

its always reminding me

a scar is different

a scar means there was pain

and there may still be pain

but more than anything

the scar just won't go away

no matter how badly i want it to

no matter how badly i want it to disappear

it mocks me

the scar pops in front of me

at moments when i least expect it

and moments when i most certainly don't need a reminder

of that scar

of that pain

of the fact that you changed me life forever

and of the fact that i didn't seem to impact yours at all

and that you don't care

and that i apparently didn't cause you any pain

but the opposite was most certianly true

there was pain

there was a wound

there was a burn

there was an injury

but a scar means healing


just a tender spot

where pain is still present

but a scar means there is healing...

but i hope to god i can make the scar go away

because i hate it

Thursday, February 21, 2008

More Updates

Not that its necessarily bad or good - I can't decide - but I don't like how the seminary is being portrayed... stupid media...

CBS Story

And oh yeah... this "purse snatching" was more than that.... he didn't want just the purse and walk away from that...

Not sure I agree with our Presiden't "theory" as to why people are coming in the seminary....

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Seminary News

Our night housekeeping employee at the seminary was attacked on campus last night. The seminary administration is responding the best they can - but prayers are always appreciated as we encounter this situation...

Link to CBS Story

Link to NBC Story

What the news report DOESN'T say is that this happened at the same exact time of year, one year ago, to the SAME woman. Last year she was not held at knifepoint, but someone entered the "locked" seminary building, confronted her, and she was also able to get away last year. That was on top of the fact that two students who lived on campus last year were also assaulted in the parking lot. The sad part is that a task force was put together in response to the attacks LAST year - but that task force just met TODAY for the first time - almost a year later. It's weird to think that an attack happened again just the night before that group was supposed to meet. More than anything, prayers are definitely needed!!

Sunday, February 10, 2008


you deprived me of it

for so long

and not only were you not giving any attention to me

you were taking all that i was offering

so i was doubly deprived

because i wasn't even giving enough attention to myself

i wasn't giving enough attention to who i am

to remembering who i want to be

to acting on the type of person i want to be

to shaping my life the way i hope it should be

and now its affecting everything

trying to figuring out who i am after this large part of what i thought was my life is gone

trying to figure out why you still have ANY influence on my life even though i've pushed you out

trying to figure out why you still affect my life when i so desperately hope you wouldn't

and to compound this

to compound my search to again find me, my way, and whats important to me

i'm craving something that you deprived me of

i'm craving something that you kept from me

and my addiction to something that you neglected to give me is driving me

is driving my actions now

and driving who i am now

is driving how i've acted

and so

because of this

you still continue to affect my life

you still have influence over me

and i hate that

Thursday, February 07, 2008

not enough words

i hate to admit it, but

i miss my best friend

i miss someone i can tell absolutely anything to

i miss someone who will be there for me no matter what

i miss someone who is there with me through thick and thin

i miss someone who i can be myself with - completely and authentically

i miss someone who i can be completely honest with

without worrying about how it will affect our relationship

without worrying about how it will impact your life

without worrying

i miss having a friend who i can trust with my life


i miss my best friend

i hate that i thought you were my best friend

i hate that you took that for granted

i hate that i still feel all these things and you've moved on

i hate that i'm still so affected by this and you don't even know

i hate that you never seemed to care that we even ended

i hate that i can't decide if you should know the truth about how i feel

i hate this

i'm still so mad

i'm still so hurt

and you don't even know

and you most certainly don't care

i hate that i'm still hurting

i hate that i still care

why is this taking so long?

i hate that i feel like i wasted my life thinking it was going to be spent with you

i hate feeling so discarded

i hate that you're still influencing my life

i hate that you still seem to have control on my life

and i don't know how to get it back

i hate that no matter how much i write

no matter how many words i put down

i still can't seem to get over what happened

i still can't seem to move on

i still can't heal

will there ever be enough words?

Wednesday, February 06, 2008


When I’m sitting here writing these updates I feel like all I can ever say is “same ol’, same ol’” but I know that’s not the truth… sometimes it just feels like it! I finished classes up on December 15th and then had a few days before I headed home to KC for Christmas. As some of you may know I broke things off with my long-term boyfriend, which in the end was a blessing since I got to go home for Christmas! The holidays were a bit hard after a fresh, intense, break-up, and the first Christmas without my grandfather, so it was very very nice to be with my family. I headed back to KY on the 28th, so I could preach on the 30th, and then made a very quick, impromptu trip back to KC so I could meet my new niece Madeline Rose Phillips! I recently finished a very short term, January Term, where I studied Conflict in the Congregation, Mediation and Ministry. It was a very important class and I’m glad I got the chance to take it, but it was sad to think that last year my “class” for January was touring in the footsteps of Paul around Greece and Turkey! We began our Spring Semester just this week and I’m scared witless, as this semester I’ll be writing my thesis and personal theology. Although it is our senior capstone class in which we write this, I actually still have one more semester, and plan to be finished this December! As my dad says, there is light at the end of the tunnel… but honestly, sometimes I feel like it’s the headlight of a train in that tunnel, coming my way! The “real world” is creeping closer and closer!! Somehow I’m confident I will reach the end, as I know I have family and friends who are there to support me all the way to the end of this particular journey!

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

i don't know much

i don't know much

but i do know this

i'm lucky to have a friend like you

i'm lucky to have a friend who will listen to all of my irrationalities

i'm lucky to have a friend who loves me for me

i'm lucky to have a friend who is there for me even if you know i'm a little wrong

i just hope i'm not taking too much from you

i only hope i'm there for you as much as you are for me

i hope i'm as good a friend to you as you are to me

i hope a lot of things

but more than anything

i hope i'm good to you

because you are wonderful to me

and for that

i am thankful

Monday, February 04, 2008

Yes We Can

Don't think about who it is that is saying these words - because regardless of who you hope or want to win this election - you can't negate the hopeful thoughts of the individual. Without such hopeful thoughts how are we to accomplish anything, or to make a difference in a broken world?