Sunday, December 09, 2007

i want to hate you

i'm not sure why i can't let you go

i'm not sure why i can't hate you like i want to

i'm not sure why i know it was the right thing to do

but i do know that i miss you so much it makes my stomach turn in knots

i want to hate you so much

because maybe then i can let you go

but for some reason i can't

and i still wonder or not you ever loved me the way i loved you

i wanted the world for you

i wanted the best things in life for you

i wanted you to be the happiest you could be

and i tried

i tried so hard to give you what i thought you wanted

but now i realize that because i was so wrapped up in you

i forgot about me

i forgot about me

i forgot about what i'm supposed to do in life

and now i do hate you

i hate you because i love you still

and because i did love you

and because i gave myself to you

i hate you because i gave everything of myself to you

i gave you all my energy and neglected my own things

i neglected school

i neglected my jobs

i neglected my family

i neglected my friends

i neglected myself and who i am

but i still want you

and it makes me hate myself for wanting you

why aren't you hurting too?

why aren't you falling apart too?

why are you so excited about moving on with your life?

how are you so easily consoled?

maybe its because you never gave me your heart in the first place

so you've had no trouble finding it again

but i have to find all the pieces of mine

and you still have some of them

alot of them

and i feel like you won't give them up

i want them back so badly

i want to be whole again

and i used to be whole with you

but now i'm just broken

and lost

missing pieces

i want to hate you so badly

but more than anything i hate myself for still loving you

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