Thursday, January 26, 2006


So.... ok - I'll say it - get it out in the open...I was dating two people at one time and neither of them knew about each other. One, still talking to him, we've only gone to lunch once, so I don't forsee him being very upset or anything like that... I will probably end up telling him, but we weren't exclusive obviously from only one lunch date, so I don't think there's anything to worry about. At least I hope not, because I don't like this dating multiple people thing.... so now that crazy one (which you will read about in a minute) is out of the picture, I'd like to explore things with the Dutch man :) Now the other, grew very attached, very quickly - which then turned out to be a bad thing. It was only three weeks!~ But the thing is - I'm a little annoyed... because I was VERY VERY honest from the beginning that I was not interested in this huge commitment, that I felt like he was feeling like there was more there than I thought so. Of course I thought something was there, but not necessarily enough to throw out that commitment word.... :) And I said that from the get go - AND every time we had the "what are we" conversation - I made sure to say that this wasn't a huge exclusive commitment, I don't want that, I'm enjoy myself when I'm with you, but I don't necessarily want full on commitment.... so then.... when I want to break up, somehow I turn out to be the bitch. How does this happen? I'm really really sorry you were more into this than I was, but I admitted from the beginning how much I wasn't into our dating, that it wasn't near as much as you! I'm very sorry that you were hurt, but I also admitted that I was afraid of hurting you in the end because of how I felt... So how and why does being completely and 100% honest from the very beginning now make me out to be the bitch? AND - why would you want to be with someone that isn't into the relationship as much as you are?!?! That's not fair to either person! Don't make me feel so bad that I end up staying with you because I don't want to see you hurt... but in the end I'm hurting more because I'm unhappy....damnit.... I'm 23 - let me live it up a little - I'm not looking for marriage, I have my whole life for that - can't I just be 23 and single living on my own, and just having fun??

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