Friday, September 30, 2005

Quarter Life Crisis

You may find yourself straying from the crowd more than any other time in your life. You start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that some people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that some of the ones you have given up on are realizing that too and that most of them are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you are. You look at your job. It may not even be close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But you start to realize that while some of them are great friends, others weren't so special after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. Sometimes you feel great and invincible, and other times you feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or maybe you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap, and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. But yet, they both still seem to happen. Maybe it seems like almost everyone you know is getting married, and maybe you really love someone too, but you just aren't sure if you're ready to commit for the rest of your life yet. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself. While winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best and worst times all at the same time, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

2 comments:

bethany lowery said...

um, laura, THIS IS THE COOLEST POST EVER!!!!!

see, i've now put a comment... i liked it.

also, thank you for your total awesomeness last nite. things turned out just fine.

Pam said...

Yes i agree coolest post ever! Major bonus points for you!