Christmas Eve Eve

"Was it hard to see Brandie and Jason together?" - I almost didn't even notice, so no, it wasn't hard to see them in general, or even see them together, I really don't care that they are dating - if they are happy, I'm happy. Instead, it was horrible to see you and have you buy me dinner and open the door for me and call me "girlie" and "blondie" like you always have - but then I knew that at the end of the night you weren't going to say "I love you" when I walked out the door - but that I was still going to want to say it to you.... Why are you the one who said "I Love you" first - but now I still feel like I'm in love with you? Why can you separate your feelings and not confuse a Christmas kiss with somethine more, something that still lingers, or does it? Why am I the one that broke it off because I was in self-preservation mode and thought that it was better for me - but in the end I'm still the one hurting? Why am I in constant self-preservation mode, trying to prevent myself from getting hurt, but in the end it hurts more?